The most “One”derful time of the year!

Get it? “One”derful.

As a single person, I know how this time of the year plays out. If you’re in a relationship, you may not quite know if you’re at the stage of gift exchanging. If your heading to the office Christmas party(where you can bring your mate), you may be fishing around to find a suitable date. If you are going to visit family, you trying to figure out a polite way to answer the ridiculous question of why you’re still single. Let’s not forget, New Year’s Eve is right around the corner. Who’s gonna kiss you at midnight? LOL!

I can laugh and joke about all of this now because I’ve matured. It hasn’t always been that way though. The ridiculous amount of time and energy spent wondering how all of this will play out to people who could really care less is no longer worth it. How many useless relationships have we held on to just for the sake of getting a gift for Christmas or having someone to go to a holiday party with? My relationship goals are much bigger.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, be content in this single season. When the time is right, Mr. or Ms. Right will show up. If you are out here trying to force a glass slipper to fit, you will be disappointed, hurting and ultimately still alone.

Being single is not a bad thing during the holidays. It’s a great time to focus on yourself and do things for others. Volunteer, donate your time, have fun and live on purpose. Heck, you can even travel solo somewhere. 😉

What are you doing with yourself during this holiday season?

Yours truly,

Sista Synergy

Advertisements

A Season of Change

If you are blessed to have your parents around, you may very well be an integral part of their care as they age. While we hope and pray that our parents live long and healthy lives, and remain independent, we have to be prepared for those instances when they have health challenges and need your care and support.

I’m an only child. I have no brothers and sisters to help me and most of my relatives live out of state. It can be a little stressful providing care if you don’t have support or even know who to ask for help. I thought I might offer my thoughts to those who may find themselves in my position.

1. It’s not easy seeing your parents needing your help with activities of daily living. Be patient with them and with yourself. They need you.

2. Your life as you have known it is going to change. Personal plans you have are paused because your priorities have to shift. Get a handle on the situation and make sure you stay the course.

3. You must maintain a healthy work life balance because you still have to support yourself and them. Plan ahead as much as possible. Rise early and handle your business.

5. You must take care of yourself. Rest, relax, and have a little fun from time to time. Respite care programs may help if you don’t have any support.

I’m thankful to have a support system of close friends, church family and an understanding employer. It truly makes a difference in knowing that people care about you and your family.

Yours truly,

Sista Synergy

Soul Fuel

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we can finally take a deep breath and forget about how much we ate and perhaps how much we overindulged. The good thing is, most of us had great food: collard greens, turkey, dressing, ham, mac and cheese, potato salad…oh and dont let me forget about all the sweets!

As I reflected on these edible blessings, I thought about how “Soul Food” is wonderful on Thanksgiving, but I also thought about “Soul Fuel”.

What is Soul Fuel? It’s simply what makes your soul happy and gives you the energy you need to press forward. For me, there are a few things that fuel my soul.

1. My prayer life

2. My family and personal relationships

3. Rest and Relaxation

My prayer life is essential because it allows me to take my problems, burdens and issues to God who has promised to bear them for me. What is even more satisfying is when I see my prayers being answered. It’s not always immediate, or in the manner I wish, but I rest assured knowing that God hears my prayers and is always working on my behalf.

My family and personal relationships fuel my soul because these are the people that I love and who love me. Whenever there is a problem or issue, I can rely upon them to support me whether they agree with me or not. If I need something, these are the people whom I can depend on to help me. If I need correction, they do it in love.

Finally, rest and relaxation! We can easily get caught up in work, church, and other things that we burn ourselves out. There are only 24 hours in a day, and sometimes we only rest for 4-6 of those hours. This is impactful to our mental, physical, emotional and psychological well-being. It can affect our financial well-being too. After all, if we can’t do what we need to because we are sick, then what good was it in the first place? Sometimes, our bodies tell us to slow down, but we ignore it. Self-care is important.

Have you thought about what’s on your Soul Fuel plate? What’s important to you and how do you keep your self in check?

Yours truly,

Sista Synergy

Gratitude

As we enter into the season of Thanksgiving, I thought it would be a good idea to reflect a little bit on Gratitude. It shouldn’t have to be a specific time of the year to reflect on this, but a lot of us tend do so around this time of the year.

1. Being grateful is a choice. I may not have everything I want, but I do have all that I need. Everyone can’t say that. I don’t take for granted that God has provided for me and that in and of myself, I would have nothing at all. A place to call home, a decent car to drive, and food in the fridge are all basic necessities for living. I’m grateful and thankful for this because I know that things could be very different for me.

2. Gratitude is contagious. Have you ever been around someone who just seemed happy and content with their life? They may not have a lot, but they don’t stress about it. When you can get to this point in life where you are not envying others and going broke trying to have what others have, you find a tremendous peace. I would rather have that peace then the stress that comes with trying to be someone I’m not.

3. Children are watching and they don’t even have to be your children. If I am not practicing gratitude, what can I expect from a child, younger siblings or nieces and nephews? I was always taught that you may not get everything you want, but learn to appreciate what you have been given. I know some of you remember being disappointed on your birthday or on Christmas morning when what you asked for is not given to you. Maybe it wasn’t the exact item you wanted or it was the knock off version. Some of us were so mad that we may have stormed off or pushed the gift to the side. Little ingrates!!! Practice what you preach!

If we are to be happy in this life, it is imperative that we learn to be grateful for what we have. If it’s not what you want, work for what you want, but dont forget to be grateful for what you do have because in a moments notice, you could have nothing. Sometimes the very things we want, we are not ready for. And those things may not even be good for us.

What are you grateful for?

Yours truly,

Sista Synergy

Goal check

There are only 62 days left in 2018. Where did the time go?  Many of us wrote down our “2018 goals” for the year 10 months ago. So, where do you stand?

Did your goals fall by the wayside? Did you find that what you once thought was important was no longer that important? What did you accomplish? You did accomplish something, right? Here are my thoughts on why goals fall by the wayside and what we can do to get back on track.

 

Image result for consistency

1. Consistency is key.

We pretty much can manifest what we desire if we put forth the necessary effort. I know, easier said than done. I’ve found that if I consistently work at something, it becomes easier to complete.  For example, I could’ve lost those 20 or 30 lbs I said I was going to lose if I had stuck to meal planning, better eating habits and incorporating more physical activity in my day.

 

2. You are the obstacle.

It’s easy to blame a lack of follow through on your goals on your significant other, your kids, your family and your job. Truth is, if it’s important to you, you will find a way to make things happen. Getting that extra hour of sleep could be used for planning the day,  exercising or simply meditation and prayer. If it’s important to you, you will find a way to get it done. It’s not only about what’s important, but “why” is it important to you.

 

3. Your goal is too big.

You may want to argue this point, but, let me explain why I think this is so. Simply put, LIFE HAPPENS! In the beginning of the year, it seems that we have all the time in the world to accomplish our goals. Now look at us, its October 31st. When you wrote down your goal, did you use a SMART method or some other productivity measurement? Was your goal long term, or short term? When life happened, did you adjust the goal or did you just let it go? Enough said.

 

Image result for focus on self

4. You were not focused on the person in the mirror.

With social media, it’s easy to get distracted by what other people are doing, how fast they are doing it and how easy it looks. Let’s be real, some of the goals we have may be the result of what someone else is doing or did. Now we are in stress mode because it’s not happening the way you think it should. Now, you become frustrated and give up. For example, someone paid off $30,000 in debt in 6 months but you can’t pay off $300.00 in 6 weeks. Be patient with yourself, even the smallest step toward achieving your goal is a step in the right direction.

I encourage you to take some time to think about the goals you started with in 2018. Perhaps, you can still make strides toward achieving what you originally planned. It’s never too late. Sometimes you just have to revise the goal and move forward. I take solace in knowing that I am always free to begin again, and again and again.

Yours Truly,

Sista Synergy

 

New York…New York!

I recently visited New York for the very first time. It was amazing! I actually went for a music conference in Brooklyn. The conference was great and more than I could have imagined it would be! In addition to attending the conference, I got a chance to experience some touristy things while I was there like my 1st subway ride, a wonderful Musical in the theater district, and Times Square!

I was only there for a weekend, so I didnt get a chance to experience New York in its fullness. New York is truly a fast paced city filled with fast talkers and fast walkers. There are people everywhere trying to make a buck. From Big Baby to Batman to the brother selling his mix tape…everyone is looking for that dollar.

If you enjoy people watching, Times Square is the place to be. I took a night bus tour around Manhattan and got a chance to see lower Manhattan in all its night time flair.

In all my picture taking and touristy things we did, I was sharp enough to notice that we were being followed at one point. It brings me back to reminding everyone to stay alert. Seeing the same person everywhere you go is a little strange. Once we let the stalker know that we knew he was following us, he walked away. Scary yes, but thank God for camera phones that let you see who’s behind you.👀👀👀

New York, though condensed, can be an expansive place to visit so it’s important that you wear comfortable shoes because you will walk everywhere. Getting in a cab for a 10 minute walk can take you about 50 minutes in a cab! Use mass transit if you must.

I enjoyed my visit and I look forward to returning to explore the places I didn’t get a chance to go to.

New York is a nice place to visit, but I personally wouldn’t want to live there.

Yours truly,

Sista Synergy

The Dis-Comfort Zone

I’m often times amazed at how quiet I used to get when there was an opportunity to speak up about things that were bothersome to me, but I remained silent. I can say this without any hesitation because I still do this…to a degree! I used to say it was because I didn’t like arguing and fighting. What was my reasoning? Fear, insecurity, embarrassment, and being made to feel dumb. For me, this was a defense mechanism developed when I was a child. Sometimes all it took was one person to make me feel some kind of way about something I said or did and BOOM…that’s it for me. I’m shutting down the “ENTIRE” conversation. Many of us never really grow out of this defense mechanism and we’ve allowed it to continue well into our adulthood. This impacts so many personal levels of our lives and it hinders healthy relationships, educational pursuits, career aspirations and dreams.

Some people outgrow this discomfort around age 50ish and begin to say things like “I don’t care what people think or “I’m grown”…I can say what I want” really not caring about how what they say impacts the person they say it to. I’ve witnessed this type of defense mechanism and it sabotages relationships, careers and businesses.

It’s important to be understood and respected! Likewise, its equally important to respect others point of view and be respectable. It’s ok to agree to disagree and still have healthy relationships.

I don’t want to be the reason someone clams up and becomes withdrawn. The comfort zone should be what we all aim for since communicating is a necessary part of life.

I prefer to encourage, uplift and support. I may not agree with everything someone says or does, but I will not make them uncomfortable in being able to talk to me about it.

How you handle the dis-comfort zone?

Yours truly,

Sista Synergy